Phone Sex and 2 Goats ~ Jacqui

So I am now 100% sure that there is no such thing as having uncomplicated phone sex with a former fling.

I know, same old sob story right? But seriously hear me out. I am fairly certain I have uncovered a new level of commitment phobia. He may be a new species, I can't be certain, but stay with me.

About a year ago I had FANTASTIC sex with this guy who then promptly freaked out and moved across the country. Those two things are likely unrelated. He freaked and then moved for a job months later. I just like to save space. Yada yada, we reconnected, started texting, then sexting, and so on and so forth as you do. (It's important not to judge me yet. Important to me that is.)

Well after one of our recent rendevous, he said: " I just want to make sure I'm managing your expectations". I think I actually snorted when I laughed. Then I had to put the phone down and roll around on the floor in amusement. I began thinking how my writing would never be clever enough to capture the absurdity of the moment. Suffice it to say, "Pardon?"

I'm having phone sex with my former hook up who now lives 3000 miles away. Oh yeah, I can see where he might worry I was getting the wrong impression. This all screams serious relationship is imminent. In some countries, regular phone sex and two goats equals common law marriage.

After I composed myself, which took some time, I thought, why do some men feel driven to remind us, even in the most casual of circumstances, that we shouldn't expect to be graced with their wonderfulness too long? I suppose when I was 19 I swooned a bit too easily. I will say that. Now that I am, well, not 19, I have things to do, like my taxes (how is it that I OWE the State of CA?) and worry about whether or not it's too late to go to law school. I know what going somewhere looks like, and this ain't it.

The moral of this story is, if you have a decent man in your life, think long, and think hard before you let him go. The dating pool is shallow and filled with man children.

In the words of the most eloquent Tracy Morgan "Everyone needs to calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law".

P.S. What do you think he'd do if I texted him that I was moving back East? Mooohaha, I'm mean.