Monday, February 21, 2011

Is dog-spooning a deal breaker?

Not only does he like spooning, he likes playing dress-up, too.

You may have seen a study from the CDC a few weeks ago called Zoonoses in the Bedroom, that suggested sleeping with your pet could be hazardous to your health. Fifty-six percent of dog owners let their dogs sleep with them, thereby opening themselves up to all kinds of nasty diseases, like bacterial, parasitic and viral zoonoses. And plague. And rabies. In response to this study, the New York Times ran a story called Warm Nights, Cold Noses about people who sleep with their pets. The moral of the story is: don't let your pets lick your open wounds and you won't get a staph infection. Makes sense.

I am one of those people that sleep with their dogs. He's human-sized and we spoon. Don't judge. So when my mother started nagging me the other day about how I shouldn't let the dog in my bed, I assumed she, like many people, had heard about the health concerns that had been in the news lately. Not so.

Ok, well, at the very least, since she's a neat freak, I thought her reasons might sound something like this: he will ruin your comforter, he's dirty, he has fleas, he smells, he rolls in poop, he sheds and other reasons generally related to hygiene or cleanliness. Nope.

What she actually said was "Someday you will have a companion (her word, 'companion,' not mine) and he might not like a dog sleeping on the bed."

Ok, I appreciate her use of the gender-neutral "companion," but let me get this straight: my dog has to sleep on the floor from now on in preparation for my hypothetical, dog-hating, future boyfriend? I'm supposed to change my life and make concessions in anticipation of a person who doesn't even exist yet? Is a dog in the bed a deal breaker?

Sorry, mom. The dog does exist. And he's warm. And furry. And likes to spoon. Well, I don't know for sure if he likes it, but he doesn't really have a choice because he's a dog. Plus, he's always happy to see me when I get home, unlike partners of the human variety.

And besides, I don't really see how a dog in my bed is currently an obstacle to my dating life. For that to be the case, it would mean I would have to get the dates to actually enter my bedroom. Which would mean making it past the front door. Which would mean me not fucking up that whole dating thing. Which has proven itself to be an impossible feat.

I haven't yet found an effective way to lure men into my bedroom, but I don't really think it's the dog that's keeping them out. The dog doesn't have anything to worry about yet. He can rest easy because no one is even close to kicking him out of his furry little corner of the bed. And until then, I'll take my chances with the plague.

3 comments:

  1. Also, I appreciate my mother saying one day I "WILL" have a companion. She seems pretty confident about that...

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  2. I like that she kept it gender neutral. I am wondering when my parents are going to go there...soon. I think soon.

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  3. Both my dogs alternating sleeping in my bed...with me and my husband. Would never have married a dog-hater.

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