Damning with faint praise and harsh punctuation

*Again, the amazing Jacqui:

Well, that happened.

So I went out with the brave Valentine's Day caller on Tuesday. I had a feeling he was going to be perfect, and I was correct in my assumption. He was smart, kind, polite, witty, and very cute. I say was, because to me he is dead. Turns out he just wasn't that into me.

My friends keep saying, "You don't know that for sure!" "Don't be negative!" "Keep the faith!" "Relax, He might call!" Yeah, see here's the thing: no he won't. Most intelligent people of a certain age can get a pretty clear read on whether or not there will be a second date by the end of the first date. Friends, I love you, but you also know he isn't going to call again, so please don't patronize me. It's my pathetic dating life, I get to be the one in denial if I so choose. You should be the realists telling me to cut bate and fish in someone else's pond. Does that make sense? Probably not. I don't care.

So here is what happened. We work in similar industries so we had a lot to talk about, blah blah blah, wine wine wine, at some point I fell deeply in love with him, then he didn't try to kiss me or ask to see me again. This is puzzling because the conversation was great, he kept ordering more drinks, acting all "interested" in what I had to say. Woof.

It's quite possible that he knew within three minutes of meeting me that he did not want to see me again, or in other words, that he didn't want to see me naked at any point in the future. On the topic of not wanting to see me naked, another thing people have begun saying to comfort me is: "At least he didn't just sleep with you and never call." Hmmm, how to put this delicately.... THAT'S EQUALLY IF NOT MORE OFFENSIVE....to me, at this fragile, umm, moment in my life.

It's also possible that I talk far too much on a first date (at some point the Duke lacrosse players sex scandal came up, I can't exactly say how, but rape is probably not a first date topic. Whoa. That may be the real take away here. Shiver). Anyway, since we have a mutual friend I decided to be an adult and text a quick "Thanks for last night, I had a lot of fun!" I didn't expect any reply, but I did get the following a couple hours later: "Yes. It was a good time."

Now, what I find most interesting/disturbing about this is his use of punctuation. There are only six words, but he used two periods. YIKES. I felt like replying, Jesus, buddy, was it THAT bad? ! Quit yelling at me. Yes PERIOD. That first period sounded like a piece of wet cotton hitting the ground. It actually made a sound when it hit my phone. It is the text equivalent of a handshake and pat on the head.

So, no, methinks I won't be hearing from Mr. Wonderful again. Next date I'm going with a low cut blouse and an excessive amount of lower lip biting.